Is it time to seek inflatable help?

One of the things I like about the inflation community is that it's a haven. We are all freaks, but when we are freaks together, it feels better. I take that seriously and, since I've been active and visible for so long, I try to help any newbies who send me mail or look like they're just coming to terms with their fetish. Sometimes it devolves into "Can you send me pictures and videos?" but sometimes it's heartfelt, someone who's just looking to make that connection with a like-minded individual for their own sanity.

But what if that person turns out not to be sane?

A few months ago someone came to me with a shy email intro; we'll call him Joe. The email was articulate, polite, a little too supplicant, but clearly someone who was happy but scared to come out of his shell about his BE fetish. Cool, said I, and I did actually send him some photos and stuff. In a fit of generosity, I even went so far as to loan him a login to one of the pay sites, which I'd never done before and will no doubt never do again. But I was really moved at the time and felt it was the right thing to do.

Within two days or so, Joe started posting in the community, using my name in a way that, to me, looked like an endorsement, like he was my protege. And suddenly I realized, hey, maybe I don't want this complete stranger to take his enthusiasm down the wrong path. So I changed my paysite login, figuring he'd had plenty of time in two days to download material for his own use. I think I was too quick to give that much support, and he was too quick to take advantage of it. We had some awkward emails, but it seemed smoothed over.

Joe is an author, so he started discussing his stories with me. I suggested he post them to one of the established Yahoo groups, like Inflatality or one of the writing groups, where he was likely to get established quickly and get more of feedback. No, said Joe--he wanted to start his own group. It was that same intense enthusiasm at work, and I couldn't dissuade him. The group was created, a few stories were posted, only about 100 people joined, and then nothing appeared for three or four months. Oh well, I thought. Joe's gone.

Suddenly, Joe resurfaces in email asking why I haven't written to him. The mail turns dark, talking about how confused he is and bringing up religious concerns about his fetish and...let's just say it's clear Joe is enduring lots of inner turmoil, big-league issues that weigh on his psyche; he may have been looking for acceptance from the community, but it doesn't look like he's given it to himself yet. The mail sounded a little crazed, a little desperate, and frankly, a little dangerous. Now the "enthusiasm" I've mentioned seemed to turn more toward mild mania. I felt very uncomfortable.

I knew he was writing me because he had nowhere else to turn, but then I realized, he does have somewhere else to turn. So I said, quite clearly and firmly, that this was out of my league, and he needed to talk to a real counselor--a therapist or a clergyman--to work out his issues, because they were deeper than someone like myself could or wanted to handle, and he should do it right away. It was hard for me to say that, because I DO want to help people who are confused about their fetish, but I also know when I'm out of my depth. It's the first time I've ever written to someone with this kind of advice, but it's not worth risking someone's actual mental or physical health over cartoon boobs.

A month passes. I figure Joe has either taken the advice or has simply walked away to clear his head. But then a mail shows up that says I'm the one that missed the boat. "We BE guys have to stick together" and "If that's how you took it, you should be sorry" and similar phrases. (Not "I'm sorry if I came on too strong," but rather "you should be sorry.") Throw in some swearing for emphasis and some further expressions of core insecurity, and you have a mail reflecting anger, guilt, and fear of abandonment that I know I can't answer, because it seems like an abusive relationship already. Am I in over my head? Did I encourage the wrong kind of behavior? Was I too open too fast, and did that set the wrong tone?

Regardless, I have not felt comfortable with this since day three, so I've blocked Joe's emails and removed myself from his Yahoo group. I'm not a therapist and I don't want to be. But this kind of stuff doesn't strike me as normal behavior. Joe's articulate mails reflect really intense highs, really intense lows...isn't that what they call bipolar disorder now? That's not for me to diagnose, frankly, but I'm playing it safe in the meantime, and I'm not up for being manipulated. I stand by my final comment to Joe--seek help from someone more qualified than strangers on the Internet. I don't think it's about BE.

I'd like to think that we're all just a little wacky, that we are a community of deviants but not dangerous individuals. But stuff like this reminds me that everybody brings something unique to the community, whether it be good or bad or both. Sometimes, you can help your community members. Other times, you can't.

Expanding the art of expansion

It occurs to me that much of the artwork in our community is stylistically similar. It makes sense, because the vast majority of it has a specific purpose: wanking material. As a result you get images of women who are struggling for control at the point of explosion, or presentation/beauty/cheesecake shots of exaggerated curves, sort of like inflatable versions of Playboy model shoots.

Now, there's nothin' wrong with either one--I have an embarassingly large collection of these types of images--but I'm a little surprised that so few artists have explored other styles. Several have gone the comic book route and created multi-image storylines, but what about less literal interpretations? Abstract images. Close-ups on stitches ripping around cleavage. Maybe not giving the viewer the full image, so they have something to play with mentally, something to interpret. Or maybe even an image that's drawn as a commentary on inflation itself--the state of the community, the nature of the attraction, the feelings that come from being in an erotic fringe group.

While the cartoonish art that is the current standard can be quite good, it strikes me that a lot of the art is not really taking advantage of the power of visual art. Take a look at any museum to see the wide range of artistic expression that exists outside of our realm.

I think one of the influencing factors here is that the bulk of the inflation art community is young and endures a high turnover. It seems like the prime time to draw dirty pictures is in and around puberty; high school and college let you indulge your sexual fantasies by doodling in your free time (hey, that's when I started writing my stories). When you get a girlfriend or move on to the "real world," you tend to leave your youthful pasttimes behind, whether by choice or circumstance. The result is a constantly changing pool of artists without much stylistic experience outside those absorbed for entertainment. That means you wind up seeing a lot of anime-influenced work, because that's what the community's artists watch on Cartoon Network. Alas, until Renoir or Warhol or Magritte gets a TV show at 3:00 in the afternoon, we're going to be treated to endless interpretations of Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi, with an accent on the puffy.

Can we move beyond this trend of seeing the same poses with new anime characters? Maybe, if people want it. I have seen some artists begin to challenge these norms a little, and that's exciting to me. However, the community has always dictated "good" art from "bad" art and frankly, it's hard to see the non-wanking stuff winning out. Truth be told, I don't really want the wanking stuff to go away; I'd just like to believe that this community can evolve and incorporate multiple styles of art on the same topic.

Also, I have to acknowledge that a museum represents hundreds of years of work and change and inspiration, so maybe our collective output suggests that we're only just beginning.

Old sites are new sites

It's great to see this site back up and running again. LVKane has done a great job of building the back-end, so there's a healthy photo gallery, an active forum, and even a few BitTorrent streams for inflation clips. It took a while for LV to get it the way he wanted it and relaunch, but BodyInflation.org is proof positive that good things come to those who wait.

On a similar note, all the Yahoo groups have gone through a transformation too. I am admin/mod on about six of them so it's nice to see that they are less clunky and frankly prettier than they were before. They're certainly easier to maintain. Check your old faves to see if they got better.

And Cyndi Irresistible tells me she might have time to do some work again this summer, now that real life has stopped taking up all her time...

Should You Stay or Should You Go?

The current topic 'round these parts seems to be the comings and goings (and threatened goings, and considered goings, and variations on that theme) of high-profile members of the inflation community. I was honored when Indiana Jones noticed I'm one of the old-timers still here. I haven't been producing much lately, but I do take an interest and I do try to keep my Yahoo groups tidy. I'm still active because, well, I want to be active.

But I don't blame anybody for getting burned out, really. It's an unbalanced community with a lot more takers than givers, and the takers, for some reason, turn into harassers quite often. I suppose it's a little like a drug--man, you never thought something could make you feel this good, and you never thought you'd have this kind of access to something so special, so it's tempting to want a whole lot of it at once! That leads people to write begging e-mails or start expecting content that, just a few months prior, was treated more like a gift.

So that makes it hard if, say, you have a few weeks where your mind is really on the inflatable stuff, and you create a lot of pieces or stories in that time, and then...poof, your attention changes or your inspiration runs dry for a bit. People out there expect you to produce at the earlier pace.

I don't think it's fair to expect anything. I look forward to every checkup at DA (and I check it every few days, not daily) when I'm in the mood, and I wonder what little gifts may have been left. Sometimes it's a lot of art that really resonates with me, sometimes not. Sometimes it's a lot of discouraged and discouraging journal entries. There's no telling. And honestly, no course of action is wrong.

Ylandra is one of my favorite artists in the community. I made a smart remark about Poser animations always looking like crap on the Vault back in the day; he sent me his work and boy, were my words tasty when I ate every last one of them. He was busy working on some amazing stuff and then, poof, just disappeared. He said "I need to spend some time in real life doing stuff" and promptly logged out for a long, long time. But then, I think almost a year later, he resurfaced and said "Yeah, the break did me good--I learned a lot of new techniques and played with some fresh ideas." And wow--night and day difference. He wanted to do it again, and it showed in his work.

I say, let people leave. It's healthy to shift focus, to get away from it now and then. This is an unusual and passionate interest, and you should be able to spend time not thinking about it rather than let it consume you. This goes for the givers as well as the takers.

A lot of times when people have left in the last 10 years, they come back reinvigorated. And if they don't return, maybe they've given all they have to give, and we should all just be thankful for that.

Expecting/demanding too much from your artists or yourself will only cause both sides frustration, disappointment, and resentment. In ten years of participating in this community and experiencing all its unusual, ever-changing forms, I've felt a natural flow. Go with it.

Advice for Writers

Several folks already know that, while I am a pervert by night, during the day I work as an editor, and have for several years now. I fix copy, I write copy, I work with new writers. A lot. This doesn't make me infallible, but it does make me cringe at some of the inflation fiction I read and some of the choices I see writers make, both in terms of their actual writing and their choices for or against doing certain things with their work. If I may, here's some free advice for anybody doing the story thing:

• Yes, you are good enough to write a story. Self-doubt is the first hurdle. A bad night of surfing for inflatable porn is better than a good day at work. Even if your work sucks, I still want to read it.
  
• There are no new ideas. Don't let that stop you. Pick magic or science or wishes or aliens or accidents or whatever--it's been done. But do it again anyway, because you are all we have in this community, and we really appreciate your efforts.
• You don't have to have a fully formed epic at the start. Write what interests you--write the money shot, if that's all you have in your head--and release it as a vignette. Short and solid is better than huge and pointless.
  
• If you're stuck for inspiration, try writing a sequel to an existing story, or write a story about one of your favorite morphs/drawings. It's best to ask permission in these cases, but more often than not, the original creator will be flattered that you like their work enough to expand upon it.
  
• If you are writing a story based on some obscure TV show or anime or comic book, very few people will "get" it. You must explain everything as if you were not using those characters--this can't be a shorthand to "oh, good, I can skip character development," because you can't. At the same time, don't bore the snot out of them with backstory, either; if they wanted to watch the series or read the comic, they would. I know anime has a big following in the US, but it's a generational thing, and the older folks don't get it. But they would still like to enjoy a well-told story, and you need to fill in the gaps without trying to get them to buy the videotapes of your favorite series just to understand who's blowing up whom.
  
• Spell check is good. Use it, but it's not foolproof by any means. It's better to read the story out loud to yourself; anything that is awkward will jump right out at you. I do this all the time with my non-pervy stuff and it is the ultimate fixer-upper. If you can read it to someone else, all the better, but given the nature of this stuff, it's understandable if you can't exactly find a pair of willing ears.
• Use www.dictionary.com and www.m-w.com. There is absolutely no shame in using reference works and nobody remembers all the rules all the time. The dictionary is there so you don't have to memorize it.
  
• Don't forget the payoff. One of the first big mistakes I made with non-pervy writing was neglecting to actually write the key scene that tied everything else together. I see a lot of inflation writers spend forever setting up characters and dialogue and place and stuff, all of which is to be commended--but then there's no payoff, no really detailed expansion scene. It's like, describing the room and describing the hairstyles is easier than describing the inflation--and I really don't think many people are reading inflation fiction for the hairstyles. Spend time tweaking all your adjectives and make sure that the most well-illustrated part of your story is the climax. It should probably be the first thing you write and the last thing you tweak, with lots of editing passes in-between.
  
• Post your story where the people are. Especially if you are a new writer, release a few of your stories (with requests for feedback) to the popular Yahoo groups (Inflatality, etc) and the usual places like The Overflowing Bra. This is where the audience already is. It's foolish and arrogant to create a Yahoo group in your honor before you even release a story. And yet...people have done exactly that. Don't.
  
• Don't expect a ton of feedback on your work. Our community is a quiet, greedy bunch, and they often only speak up to complain. One note of thanks is worth about 20 pairs of eyes. And if you are writing something that isn't one of the Stories That Have Already Been Written, expect even less feedback, because you may not find the other people who appreciate the topic the way you do right away. It may take time for your story to get out there.
  
• Do it because you want to do it, not for the praise. If you liked writing it, that is really all that matters. I do not recommend writing inflatable fiction to get "famous."
  

That's all my brain is dumping out for the moment. Go for it.

Pervert At Work

Got an idea. Got some advice on that idea. Looks like the idea might work.

Needs some planning and some grunt work, both by me. And you all know my glacial pace.

You'll see.

Propped Up

I've just noticed a trend. When I first started exploring this fetish, I was into "props"--stuffing balloons in clothing especially. Even really young, I remember having a big inflatable football, like two and a half feet long, and wrapping that around myself, putting on clothes, and blowing it up. I linked drinking straws together and jammed the end into the nozzle to get it to inflate. I did this on summer afternoons when nobody was around.

When I got old enough to buy my own stuff, I wound up getting this huge five-foot beach ball and doing much the same thing, only by then I'd learned that you could get cheap plastic tubing at the pet store, from the aquarium department...and a $50 air compressor from Sears. I would goof around with these things when my wife was away for extended periods of time. She knew I was a fetishist and that was fine with her, but that kind of stuff simply didn't interest her.

And over time, I've noticed...it doesn't interest me nearly as much, either. It might be her influence, but she never really liked props; she much preferred just using imagination. It certainly keeps you closer in a physical sense.

I just realized, as it's her time of the month at the moment, that it's around now that I would often turn to props, and now I just don't. I use my imagination now too. Well, that and a wealth of images, stories, and videos that I've collected over the years, some of which are of my wife. I don't really miss the convoluted physical prop aspect. I'd experiment again if I had a really cool idea, but I haven't in a while.

Thought Drops

Thought Drops is longtime community member Sturm Brightblade's little chunk of the world. Make sure you check out his "Size Matters" series of posts--they offer nice insight. I've also linked to his blog permanently over there on the sidebar.

Somone Better Look Up The Word "Deviant"

One reason I decided to start a blog after all this time was in reaction to what's been going on at DeviantART lately. It's a free artistic community designed for amateur and semi-pro artists to upload their work, have it critiqued, share it with friends, what have you. And as you might expect by the name, it's not just still life portraits and sunsets; according to the site's own FAQ, it's pretty much anything goes. Naturally, there's a staff that helps keep things organized and occasionally brings down the hammer when users get out of line or content is deemed inappropriate, for whatever reason. But usually, if it's a valid artistic expression, it's left up to the community to judge.

And oh, what judgement was handed down by that community when a bunch of inflation fetish artists set up shop at DA. Some of the best known names in inflation put their wares on display--Critical Volume, CattyN, Wren, Dwarfpriest, Indiana Jones, Sickstar...I don't mean to leave anybody out, but it's a veritable rogue's gallery of roundness over there. I posted my stories over there as well to sort of help the effort, since fiction writing is considered an artistic endeavor too (by most people, anyway--I did get one note of complaint that I wasn't posting drawings). But the point is, it was a good cross-section of talented folks in our community, with my crap thrown in amidst all the quality.

When I think of the word "deviant," I think of the dictionary definition of "outside the norm," which may not necessarily mention but always allows the modern application of a sexual context. Some reference works call it a synonym for pervert. It's hard to think of an inflation fetish as anywhere inside the norm, frankly. So I figured, hey, in DA, we belong because we don't belong.

Not so, said some very vocal people on DA. Not the admins, but the users! The inflation artists were savagely attacked, bludgeoned with closed minds over and over. You name a moral judgement, it was applied--"This is sick and wrong," "I hope these people get kicked off DA," "I hope these people get hit by a truck," yadda yadda. "Wow," said many people, "I didn't know any of this stuff existed--and I wish I didn't! This should be condemned!"

I think I should point out that they found us. There was no campaign to spread the gospel of inflation to the unwashed artistic masses of DA. One of them actually sought out my page and posted comments just to elicit a strong negative reaction. (Perhaps it was better for that person to be hated than ignored--because hey, on the Interweb, there's little difference between famous and infamous, and page hits are page hits.) But a handful of people there took great offense to inflation art and its varying forms (preg, weight gain, breast enlargement, etc) and boy, did they raise a stink.

I have a few theories as to why they were so upset:

1) They felt threatened by this new body of work that would take attention away from their wholly derivative pictures of anime-influenced goth catgirls--instant insecurity!
2) They found this art personally offensive, forgetting that in so doing they were instantly nullifying their own artistic integrity and freedom--instant hypocrisy!
3) They secretly found it intriguing and didn't know what to do--instant sexual confusion!

I think #3 is highly unlikely, personally, but it's fun to dream.

At least one of the artists with an opposing viewpoint to the inflation community drew a satirical cartoons about what they found so distasteful. That's fine--that's an artistic expression, and everybody's entitled. I don't have to agree with your sentiment to see the value in your artistic statement. What was really chilling in a witch hunt kind of way was how many people then jumped on the bandwagon with publicly posted comments about that cartoon, saying all the aforementioned burn-them-at-the-stake-but-not-in-my-backyard stuff.

I find it amazingly ironic that true deviant art was rejected by the community at a site called DeviantART.

Some people kept an open mind. "Hey, art is subjective, let them be." But as always, the loudest voices were the most ignorant, and it spread easily, like loud ignorance always does.

Since I am something of an eternal optomist and a fool besides, I attempted to honestly answer some of the charges by one of the more fervent screamers, at the same time questioning why one artist would question another artist's right to free expression. I tried several times before giving up--the person in question simply was not interested in an exchange of ideas or examining other viewpoints. They made up their mind and they were going to stick to it--inflation art was sick and wrong and unrealistic (unrealistic! This criticism from someone who drew people with cat ears and enormous eyes?), and it was therefore invalid. I knew when to fold 'em and when to walk away. I know better than to sit and argue with someone who isn't even listening.

I am happy to report the the folks who were actively harassing the inflation artists for no apparent reason were, in fact, punished with temporary suspensions and whatnot. DA's staff has different interpretations of art as some of DA's clientele. But the resulting kerfuffle has put a lot of inflation artists on alert--and we're not exactly having parades in our honor to begin with, so such a public smackdown of a rarified, embarassing interest really hurt a lot of people who simply didn't see it coming.

Me, I'm not hurt. I'm not looking for mainstream acceptance of this interest, either. But I am not going to sit back and let some people tell the rest of the world what this inflation thing is really all about--not when I've been deeply involved for ten years and they're making snap judgements after ten minutes. What the blind critics don't know or care about--and what I want to protect--is the time and effort that it has taken our community to come together and find some comfort and understanding among similarly minded outcasts. We are, after all, deviants.

So if you're reading this and you are new to the idea of an inflation fetish, I strongly encourage you to drop me a line and ask a question. I'll be happy to answer them here and protect your anonymity.

See, the witch hunters only carry torches. I'm bringing actual lights.

Pieces of My Mind

I'm Dan and I am an inflatable fetishist. Yes, really. A vague, more-or-less work-safe overview is here. I've run or helped run several small websites and groups dedicated to this admittedly odd and often funny kink, and I'm proud to have been interviewed by Katherine Gates for her book Deviant Desires. If you're new to it, all I can say is this: Yes, it's silly, but it's not a joke.

I'm sure we'll get into more detail as this blog develops. This is here just for information, as well as a place for me to rant and muse--in other words, just another blog, but with a weirder topic than most. Hit me with any and all questions about what this is all about. I'm Inflate123 at aol dot com.