I am taking back the block I gave you for Christmas

You know how when you take your car start acting up, the moment you take it into the shop, it suddenly start working perfectly? And when you want to show someone else how this frog you found on a construction site can sing and dance while wearing a top hat, the minute you open his cigar box, he does absolutely nothing and makes you look like an idiot?

I posted that I had writer's block. That fixed it.

I tend to write PG-13 stories, whether I intend to or not. Happy Holly Days is akin to a sweet coming-of-age romantic comedy, like a pneumatic John Hughes movie. It's randy, but it's chaste. It's flirty, but it doesn't show everything. Much is left to your imagination at the story's conclusion, but it's definitely a happy ending.

I don't know if that makes it particularly exciting, or exciting enough compared to the other stuff out there. I have read some tense, scary revenge inflation fantasies that really thrill me. One of those was Plowboy's "JH-12," one of the first dark stories I'd read, and one that really made me feel naughty when I enjoyed reading it. I don't know if he wrote anything else, and I've tried to contact him to no avail--he wrote that story years ago and has since abandoned that e-mail address. But when I needed a name for my mystery chemical, I couldn't shake that strong memory and decided to co-opt it as an homage.

Otherwise, the stories have nothing in common. His is a series of unapologetically vengeful vignettes that caters to several audiences at once--no matter what kind of inflation story you like, you'll find something there to make you happy and horny, and it has three different climaxes. It also has a lot of the hallmarks of my favorites: Characters who overstate the obvious (often ridiculously, melodramatically, and unrealistically), stretchy clothing like spandex or rubber, and lots of detail of the expansion.

By total contrast, my story describes the expansion lyrically, tries to keep all the emotions and reactions somewhere in the ballpark of reality, and ultimately pulls its punches when it comes to a big payoff.

So I guess what I'm saying is, go read JH-12, it's a better story!

My holiday gift to you: Writer's block!

So I thought last week, man, I haven't written a new story in well over a year. I'd like to put one together as a little holiday surprise for the community. Not that anybody is eagerly awaiting my next piece of crap, mind you, but I feel happiest when I'm releasing projects into the community instead of just maintaining a few message boards and whatnot. I can't draw, and most of Cyndi's projects remain private affairs, so other than coughing up a few bucks to commission pieces of art to share with everybody, all I've got is my writing.

So I started thinking about the various idea fragments sitting on my hard drive. I have a few paragraphs here and there that need a story built around them. I have a stray concept here, a story name or a character name over there...nothing concrete. Might as well start from scratch.

And then it all went black, when I slammed into a giant writer's block.

The reason I write so infrequently is twofold. First, I write and edit stuff all day long--I'm a writer/editor--and I always seem to be spending time in front of words, trying to make them better, one way or another. And when I do write at home, it's more likely to be on the book I'm writing instead of the dirty stories. Either way, it's work.

Second, and more importantly...I just don't have any more good ideas. Those fragments lying around are fragments for a reason. Everything that comes to mind has been done. Magic? Science? Fizzy lifting drinks? No explanation? Hardcore? Software? Clothing? I get a been-there-done-that feeling, because I can think of great stories on each topic that other people have already written, and I don't think I'd be able to do any better. I like bringing something fresh, even if the expansion sequences often use the same words.

I have considered taking one of my existing stories and doing a sequel, so as to remove that problem of coming up with an original idea. I already took that shortcut once with Cindairella so that's out. I don't really know where to take Self-Control, because it's self-contained. The whole story kind of exists because it plays on that first-thrill concept. I suppose I could do the next stage in Everything but that's a dark one and I'm kind of surprised I went there in the first place. I like Remote Possibilities and Sievert would likely grant me permission to work on a sequel, but I don't know what the next stage in that narrative would be anyway. And while I could do a second part of Liquid Helium, because it's practically gift-wrapped with the ending, I haven't really figured out where I would want that story to go either.

I don't know about other creators, but I also find I have to be ridiculously horny in order to write an inflation story. I kind of have to commit everything to the build-up and payoff--I kind of have to be there, mentally, in all those stages all the way through. And I don't think I have to explain that those exciting moments are hard to prolong for 45 minutes while you go back and edit every line for maximum impact.

So I guess what I'm saying is, happy holidays, everybody, I got you nothing. But it was the thought that counts...?

Okay, enough with the identity theft already

Here's a disturbing trend in our community: Identity theft.

I've been proud to call Helia Melonowski a friend for some years. Like a lot of folks in our community, she's been really active sometimes, not so active others--but she's never really gone away--in fact, she still has a small website. That has not stopped someone from using a very minor variation on her name under the guise that it's a furry role-playing thing. Um, no. You don't just take someone's online identity, change a letter, and borrow it. There's no excuse for it, and there's no reason, other than simply not being creative enough to come up with your own idea. Helia's reputation is her own--she created it. Make your own mark on the community with your own name.

And speaking of which, my name is...known enough to get me some attention now and then, both good and bad. The latest is bad--a webmaster who runs a forum has apparently dipped into his registration records to fish out my password so he can go post as me on another site, from which he was personally banned.

What the hell is going on? When did this even become remotely seen as acceptable? Does our community really think so little of ethics that this is deemed an okay thing to do?

This is not enough to scare me away--but has anybody considered that shit like this DOES make artists and writers lose interest and log off?