Biggest mistake I never made

Usually you identify your mistakes after you've made them. I was on a flight recently for work and remembered a mistake I didn't make that would have been pretty catastrophic if I'd made it.

I was on a trip in high school, and was still pretty confused about the whole inflatables thing. I hadn't learned to cope with it, hadn't really embraced it, and certainly hadn't told anybody about it. So I'm on the plane and I realize...there's an inflatable vest under my seat. You know, like this:

And I remember thinking...wow, free inflatable. Because in high school, you're often stupid.

I spent the whole flight wondering, can I take this with me? Is it like the magazine in the front pocket? And then I started thinking, you know, what if the plane goes down on the next flight? Someone wouldn't know it was missing. And what if they did do a safety check and realized it was not there? My name is on that ticket for that seat...they'd catch me. And it's probably a federal offense. And that would mean I would have to explain why I stole an inflatable item when my parents came to get me.

It wasn't worth the risk, but I remember being INSANELY tempted to take it. Just because, you know, it was something inflatable.

Juliekat!

Hey, you didn't leave me any way to contact you. I don't check the old email, but I'm inflate123 at gmail dot com now...drop me a line if you see this!

Guys and Dolls

Wow. Just finished watching a British television documentary on Real Dolls. It's interesting to see different owners with different reasons -- one guy takes photos with them and creates his own family, another guy sees sex as his hobby and the dolls as an extension of that passion. Some of the owners are honest with themselves, some of them look like they're not in touch with reality. All of them see their lives as enriched by being a RealDoll owner. The main takeaway: A fake woman is better than no woman at all. Made me appreciate having someone, let alone someone who understands my kink.

Maybe I'm just sympathetic because I have fantasies that are outside the realm of normal human relationships -- unless, of course, you know of a real-life inflatable woman -- but I found this program incredibly fascinating.

I could have sworn that there was a BE version of the RealDoll as a custom order, but I don't see it as an option on the website.

Wither Cyndi?

Some folks have been wondering what happened to Cyndi Irresistible. She's still around, just not really in a position to take private commissions anymore. She keeps trying to make time but her real job makes it almost impossible.

But we got to talking and we have some ideas that may or may not make it to reality. There are other ways to stay active and yet not do things the way she's been doing them. I think if we shook things up she'd even have more fun, and that always shows in the products.

I can tell you that she has sent me some of the mail that people send her, and asking for her photo doesn't help. She's got a photo:


So then seeing that and asking her for a topless photo is...well, optimistic to be polite, and fuckin' rude to be honest.

Cartoon pervs, unite!

If you're reading this, it's time to accept a fundamental truth: You've probably found yourself turned on by a cartoon. I'm not ashamed to say that my avatar -- created with what little Photoshop skills I possess -- was inspired by Jessica Rabbit's famed cleavage. I've got a well-documented thing for redheads, so Jessica's outrageous dimensions is a no-brainer. That doesn't mean I don't also have naughty mental images of Ariel, Josie McCoy (you know, leader of the Pussycats), and Kim Possible.

Sick? Not really. When you're turned on by something that doesn't and can never really exist, you take your perverted thrills where you can find them. Anything can happen in the cartoons, right?

Jessica's a rarity in that she was created with the sole purpose of being outrageously and unrealistically sexy. But I hereby challenge those who count themselves among my fetishy ranks not to find this image of Mrs. Van Dort from Corpse Bride practically bursting with subtext:

Yes, she's matronly and rather villainous. No, she's not supposed to be sexy. Yes, that's an amazing bottom-heavy hourglass and holy shit, she looks like she's tightly inflated. When I went to see Corpse Bride in the theater, I had trouble thinking about anything else. I still want to get it on DVD for this reason.

Feel no shame. Cartoons are kind of all we have.

Inflatable dreams

I had a long one last night that suddenly went inflatably erotic. I won't bore you with the details, because everybody likes to tell their dreams and nobody likes to hear them, but it was a bit like an ARG or the Michael Douglas movie The Game, except my wife had created the adventure just for me. And since she had creative control, she added a bit where one of the contacts I had to meet in the middle of the night happened to be a hot redhead...and she started inflating, breast & belly, right in front of me, as part of the plotline. It was a "oh, they found me out! You've got the information I shouldn't have given you, so go now and use it, you don't have a lot of time" type thing. But naturally, I was thinking "Screw the game, I don't care if this is just props and special effects -- I'm staying here and enjoying this!" And I woke up shortly thereafter, because that was clearly a "Cut! We're off script" moment.

I don't have inflatably erotic dreams too often, but when I do, it messes me up for the following day. Understandably, I don't want to leave that mindset.

Medical miracles

A friend recently injured his leg. I spotted the label on his anti-inflammatory meds during a visit:

"Take 1 tablet orally every 6 hours for swelling."

I damn near stole the bottle. I have some ideas that involve a redhead, some swelling, and if I play my cards right, it would take about six hours.

The artists vs. the audience: we have a verdict

Much ado about manners lately. Some artists in the community don't feel they are getting enough helpful feedback. That's a fair thing to express; after all, a true and solid community is there to support its members. And if the artists would like feedback, they should be able to get it. It's appropriate for them to step up and say "Hey, help me get better here."

Instead, they're saying, "Don't give me feedback unless it's detailed, in the following manner." A few folks have actually posted nasty rants complaining about people noting their art as among their favorites, but not expressing why that art is a favorite. For some, saying "I like this work" is a strong vote. But that's not enough for some of the artists, so they're not really asking for more detailed critiques so much as demanding it.

Hold on a fucking second.

The community is always changing; there are always people flowing in and out. I do notice that the age range seems to spike young, as people are just getting through puberty, just figuring out their sexual identities, and while they have a fair amount of free time in school.

So what we have is a bunch of young artists, and a bunch of young consumers, and neither one is mature enough to know how to express themselves in an effective manner. Better still, we've got a charge of audience immaturity that's being expressed through a tempter tantrum. Zero credibility there.

You can see the answer, can't you? It's "grow up." To everyone. Here's the truth:

Consumers, realize that the artists in your community are not vending machines set to dispense product for free. They are living, breathing, human beings with creative drive, neuroses, busy lives, writer's block, passion, and everything else both good and bad that comes with being an artist in any form. Encourage their work; give the artists your support in constructive criticism. The more detail the better. But you have to be willing to do that because it's simply the right thing to do; you will not get an extra-special personal picture of exactly what you personally prefer to see when it comes to burnishing your bishop. The artists are not your personal playthings; you have to respect their processes. And if none of what I've just said makes sense, you're too young to be looking at sexually explicit material anyway, and you should leave. The community will be here when you get back.

In short: You simply cannot demand things from your artists. It's not your place.

Artists, realize that when you put your artwork out there, the double-edged curse is that it may affect someone. You would be miserable if people did not know you existed and ignored your art; this attention is part of what drives you, whether you choose to accept that fact or not. But in seeking that reaction from outside sources, you cannot control what form that reaction takes or how deep it goes. Ask for feedback, encourage it, but don't lash out at the audience because they didn't see your art the way you intended, or they don't understand your delicate nature as a unique creative flower, or they just didn't give you something you can act upon. Hell, some of them may not even be able to verbalize what it is about your art that makes them all tingly down there; if they can't express it, they're not going to leave you a comment. Take what you can get when it comes to feedback, or you'll wind up getting nothing.

In short: You simply cannot demand things from your audience. It's not your place.

Class dismissed, kids. Now stay off my lawn.

How not to commit suicide on the internet

It's an online classic: Goodbye, cruel world, I'm logging off...for the last time!

How amazingly pathetic and embarassing, not to mention poorly written. I call melodramatic 19-year-old, too-much-Radiohead-and-Nine-Inch-Nails, nothing-better-to-do-so-let's-see-what-happens bullshit.

I've known people with terminal illnesses and constant pain that took their own lives after long struggles, both physical and emotional. I still wish they hadn't. But the one constant in those siutations is they had a) expressable, specific reasons and b) none chose to reveal those reasons with a fake farewell pity party. "I will be too dead to judge your entries?" C'mon -- with listed influences like Silent Hill and Lovecraft, that's the best you could do? And of course, there is absolutely no way for his "death" to reach us in the real world, so it's all a safe, sick joke. On you. Let's hear it for respecting the community.

This is neither an original idea nor an effective one, and I can't wait to see the insulting "social experiment" explanation when our hero comes back to his senses after realizing all he has to live for and/or "just to see if anybody cared." If you'd like, I'm betting we can all write it now. (Alternate ending: Dire-Wasp is dead, so "here's my new online nickname.")

Seeing juvenile soap-opera nonsense like this is the ultimate insult to anyone who ever did have a legitimate reason. And Dire-Wasp doesn't, so don't let yourself be emotionally manipulated by the amateur hour.

That's all the attention I'm giving this failed piece of performance art, and more than it deserves. Please press play on your MP3 players; "Hurt" by NIN should be properly cued up.

Meet TheSainte

There's a lot of inflation posted on YouTube, but much of it is male belly inflation. Rarely do you find a female fetishist, let alone one who shares video of her fetish.

Well, today's a rare day, then.

OMG, I have a legacy

So like a dork, I just realized "Hey, I didn't tell the world that my email address changed from aol.com to gmail.com." AOL dumps your old mail pretty quick if you don't get to it, but in the last month or so of mail that it did archive, I found a few interesting notes.

One was from the BEA, asking rather forcefully when I was going to reactivate my gallery there. Yeah, funny thing about that: I've never run a gallery there. When I stopped being the webmaster of Inflate123's Video Vault, it moved to the BEA full-time under someone else's care. I posted very clearly about this at the time and have not revised the page since, but for a good 18 months, I still got angry emails from people wondering where their free porn went. (Hint, folks: Update your cache.)

When the site went to the BEA, I asked that my name be removed so people would not be confused or think I was still in charge. So it's a little funny that even the BEA thinks I'm in charge and just being lazy/negligent. I pointed them to the same page above and said "I think you gotta ask the webmaster, which isn't me, and in this context, never was."

I am glad to be fondly remembered for trying to bring some video perviness to the inflatable community, but the downside is people still expect me to do it, apparently. I think YouTube has trumped the Vault in the meantime anyway.

By the way, I had fun reading an old rant on the subject too. Grrr!

Hi there, Helia

You can't keep a good girl down--especially when her breasts are pumped with helium. Shortly after expressing my sadness at Helia's disappearance, she changed her mind and launched a new Yahoo group. As one of the only enormously endowed women in our community, I'm certainly glad to have her back. I'm curious to see the conversation evolve.